Simply Maren: Confidence Isn’t Living in a Number

Hello all you Healthy Apron Readers! I’m so excited to be participating in the Operation Beautiful Guest Post Series for Erin. My name is Maren (yes, that’s like Erin but with an M) and I write a healthy living blog called Simply Maren about finding a happy medium between eating for health and for recreation.

After receiving Erin’s e-mail saying that I would get to provide a guest post I started thinking about what I wanted to share. I thought about my favorite Filling Factor recipes and about my Tips & Tricks to Get Fit, but instead decided to share a very special day in my Healthy Living Life.

I had started the blog Simply Maren in an attempt to learn how to love food. Food had been my constant mental and physical companion, whether it was filling a void, keeping an emotion at bay, or being the reason for my unhappiness and frustration with my body. I hated food for many reasons, but I was trying to learn how to accept it as a vital part of daily life.

Every day I wrote between one and three posts, revolving around my “love” of food. I was faking it, though it did become easier over time. There were days that I really did love all the food I ate and how I looked in the mirror. Which was progress, having a few good days a week is better than none. But there were still days that I felt gross, squishy, and out of control. I didn’t want people to see that I had little love handles or that my thighs touched when I walked.

I discovered Caitlin’s blog The Healthy Tipping Point a few months before I actually hit mine. I read everything on the blog, putting myself in the category of “Yes, I love myself”, but in reality it was “yes I love myself… today”. I then discovered Operation Beautiful. I was really inspired by the message, and it made me feel good to read about how finding little Post It notes changed other people’s lives.

I thought about leaving a Post It out there in the world, but what would I say? I had a really hard time complimenting other people. My whole life I had been emotionally “squashed” by others. I whole heartedly put myself out there to be friends, when time and time again I was crushed or backstabbed. I struggled to even say “Hi” to people when I walked into a room and “Bye” when I left, let alone say that someone was beautiful.

My turning point started the day I bought the Operation Beautiful book. I spent two days reading it cover to cover. I felt like every note was so inspired and special. I kept thinking I’ve never found a note, does anyone do this in my town?

The morning after I finished the book I went into the bathroom to get ready for the day. I normally weighed myself right before my shower in the morning. I was dreading it. Though I wasn’t as consumed with weight and “my number” as I had been, the feeling I felt when I stepped on the scale still made me cringe. I never felt satisfaction, even when I was “down”. The fact that I had been sick, on vacation, and not eating very intuitively leading up to that day wasn’t helping. I stepped on the scale preparing to be “up”.

This was the moment. I had kept a stack of Post Its in the bathroom next to the scale for over a year. I would periodically write down the date and how much I weighed. While I waited for the scale to display my number, I grabbed the Post Its and scribbled “You Are Beautiful! Confidence Isn’t Living in a Number!” on it, stepped off the scale and stuck it right to the left of the display screen. I stepped back on the scale and read my number. Everything, all the baggage around weight was lifted away. The number had a whole new meaning, and frankly it was one of insignificance.

That day I took my shower, grabbed my stack of Post Its designated to record my weight and wrote “you are beautiful” on each and every one of the sticky pieces of paper. I posted them all over, in the Target bathroom stall, on a Marie Clare magazine, even on a 100 Calorie Pack box.

With every note I stuck, a piece of my negative life peeled away. I was smiling at people I didn’t know, I even complimented someone and said “I love your shirt”. I felt confident in myself, not because of the shirt I was wearing or because I had ate extremely light that day.

Though this day wasn’t that long ago I can say that every day since that morning has been brighter. I smile more and my feelings about weight are still the same, insignificant. After two years of traveling down the Healthy Living Road I can say that this was my turning point where I went from pretending to lead a well and healthy life to literally living one. Every day I can say “I love myself, I feel confident, and I’m living in the now”. Before I was so consumed with “in 6 months when I’m fifteen pounds lighter”, “when I’m a size 8 jean”, or “after a week of perfect intuitive eating” I wasn’t even living ,and letting so many things pass me by because I was more focused with the future and my “perfection”. Now I live in the moment, and every moment is happy and confident.

Confidence lives in each and every one of you; no matter if your short or tall, thin or curvaceous. It has nothing to do with what size pants you wear or if your brunette versus blonde. Believe in yourself because You Are Beautiful!

Please feel free to check out my blog. Leave me a comment and let me know your from The Healthy Apron. I hope you all have a wonderful day !