The past couple days I’ve received some amazing comments and heart felt emails from readers who could completely relate to how I have been feeling, offering only the most sincere words of encouragement. I was pleased to see the honesty come right back out of every one of you.
There were a few a comments that stuck out in particular, and I wanted to share them today. The first was from my friend Kelly at What Kelly Said and it was in response to something I said throughout the post. This was my statement:
“my eating has gotten even healthier this past year and if I need to go up 5 pounds in order to continue to eat LESS processed foods, then I am A-OK with that!! (Not that I won’t still try to get the weight off…just being honest).”
This was a brief part of her reply:
“But you REALLY aren’t A-OK with the 5 pound weight gain. That statement above is a filled with two completely opposite opinions.”
Like I told Kelly, I am conflicted! On the one hand, I FEEL healthier than I’ve ever felt. I’ve been happier with life, learning and experimenting with lots of new foods, enjoying time with friends and family, and not always obsessing about the caloric content of each and every morsel I put in my mouth. I’ve also felt like I’m in great shape; finishing workouts that leave me feeling euphoric and not exhausted, sore, and stressed.
That's how I feel after a work out...tired but happy!
On the other hand, I HATE seeing a higher number on the scale and part of me desperately wants to work to get it off. The only problem is, I don’t want to cut back anything from my diet because then I would risk cutting down on my nutrition. If you haven’t noticed an on-going theme yet, my health is SUPER important to me!!I depise the thought of developing a deficiency in a nutrient just because I want to lose 5 pounds!! There are so many books and articles that discuss how your body will gravitate to the weight it is most comfortable when you are eating healthy and exercising moderately.
I THINK that is what I am doing AND I’m enjoying life. Can’t beat that right?
Being silly.
Enjoying time with friends!
Cherishing the blessings in my life. 
It all comes down to the fact that I have a very skewed perception of myself and it spawns from being over weight in high school. I still think of myself as a “big girl.” I promised myself long ago that I would never be that unhealthy again and I suppose every pound I gain makes me think I’m one step closer to regressing back to where I was (some of you may be rolling your eyes, but again, honesty at its’ best). But Gina’s comment yesterday was spot on,
”I remind myself that I would NEVER let that happen!! I’m at a healthy weight, and I know I’ll have to work hard to keep that weight, but I know if anyone can do it, I can! Positive thinking!!” Good point Gina! You are right! If it did ever get to a point where my weight was affecting my HEALTH, then I am sure I would be thinking differently.
I wanted to share one last comment from Michelle at Turning Over a New Leaf. Her words really resonated with me and I thought they might benefit others as well.
”Last August I decided to stop trying to lose more weight, stop religiously counting calories, and feed myself when it was hungry and nourishing it with real food. No more light bread, no more low-cal margarine, no more baking with splenda. By November I had gained 8 lbs and was blaming the fact that I was going out with friends so much, late night ice cream runs and IHOP “fourth meals,” and excessive desserts on Saturday nights. While I’m positive those things had a part in it, I must also realize that since November, my weight has stayed steady between 146-148. And most of that is without counting calories! That is with only moderate (enjoyable!) exercise and occasional splurges. It should be something to be celebrated, and I should really look at these few extra pounds as happy pounds and not sweat it! I traded leaner abs for friends when I started hosting a weekly dinner and building relationships. Life became less about me and more about others and I suppose those extra pounds came with the package. Now that I look at it that way, I can’t say I regret it.”
Thanks Michelle! You are amazing and a complete inspiration! I only hope to continue to learn and grow about what is most important in life…and it’s certainly NOT the number on the scale!
P.S. Be sure to check the blog out Monday. I am joining Land’s End for National Swimsuit Confidence Week to help celebrate women of all shapes and sizes and to inspire everyone to show their body confidence and rock it this summer! I will be posting a picture of myself in one of the bathing suits they sent me to wear. While I obviously struggle in this area, I believe in faking it until you make it! I’ll be trying to exude the best body confidence I can and represent each and every person who has ever struggled with loving who they are!! I hope you will show your support!!
I don’t own a scale for that reason. Every time I try to lose weight,i get so frustrated and l would end up gaining weight. I have changed to eating healthier, controlling my portions and getting a good walk in a few days a week. I have lost 3 sizes in 8 months. I still haven’t weighed myself, but I don’t care about the number anymore. I have seen my ideal weight range and have no plans on aiming there. My goal is healthy living. I have made so many little changes that I have learned here that it has been easy. So, Erin, thank you for helping me get healthy.
Thanks for this follow-up posts. Those comments were really sensible and inspirational. It’s so tough to maintain a weight-loss, it takes a long time to get out of the habit of thinking of yourself as “big”, as you say … I’m not sure I’m quite there yet.
Hi Erin, I’ve just caught up on your last few posts. You are amazingly strong, wise and couragous for writing what you did. You also have some very smart and inpirational readers. I love your attitude, philosophy and outlook on life – and love reading your blog. Thanks for everything you do Erin!!!
You are so strong to address such public and personal matters on the blog with us. I applaud that courage and honesty. You are doing the best that you can do and that is all that matters. There is no doubt in my mind that you will ever let yourself go back to a place where you felt umcomfortable. You value your body and your healthy too much to go back (in either direction). Plus you have an amazing suppot system at home and on your blog. You are a beautiful girl, Erin and I hope you look in the mirror and see it just as clearly as we do!
Thanks for including me in this wonderful post. I’m glad you liked my comment, but it’s so true, I remind myself of this everyday! And, positive thinking it always the key to success.
Have a great weekend!
Can’t wait to read your blog Monday! Enjoy your weekend and continue to listen to your body:)
I love what Michelle wrote about her life becoming more about friends and less about her. That’s well written and so true!
thanks so much for your openness, erin. *THE SCALE!!!* is such an area of conflict. it’s hard to combine what our head and our heart say, what we feel is right and what we feel we “should” do. hearty congrats for participating in the national swimsuit confidence week! you rock!!
I agree although I feel healthy and don’t own a scale whenever I see one im tempted to get on it… my weight fluctuates 2-3 lbs all the time due to water or just eating but for some reason when I see a fluctuation i get so angry.
I will definitely be checking out your post on Monday. It’s all about being healthy. throw that scale away!
The conflicted feeling can be so frustrating. For instance, I love healthy, dark, grainy bread, but a part of me still reaches for the flimsy, non-natural, low-cal stuff at the grocery store. I’m glad I’m not the only one chosing between two polar opposites.
Forget the scale! I know it’s easier said than done, but if you feel better, at’s what really matters. Besides, doesn’t muscle weigh mire than fat? Maybe your ‘exa’ 5 lbs are truly healthy.
I just had my first baby 10 days ago, and I’m doing my best not to get obsessed by weight loss and fitting into my normal jeans. All I know is that breast feeding makes me really, really hungry, more so than when I was pregnant!
Don what feels right, your body knows best what it needs:)
Thanks for sharing this. I find it hard to discuss some of my struggles with eating and weight because I too have such conflicted thoughts at times. I want to embrace a healthy body over a certain weight but I can’t quite get past that little number yet!
There’s this saying that goes “I’m grateful that my clothes are a little snug, because it means I have enough to eat”. When I’m feeling down about the number on the scale, or how something fits, I try to remember this. It doesn’t make the 5 lbs go away (I’m learning the joys of a slowing metabolism!) but it DOES humble me a little that not everyone is as fortunate to be able to either afford or have fresh, nutritious readily available.
I still see myself as the same as the “big girl” too. A 5 lb gain doesn’t seem like much to outsiders but it can definitely take its toll on how we view ourselves. I was reading a magazine article about the high percentage of people who spend their day negatively talking about their bodies. I try not to be too hard on myself because fat or thin, I’m still me.
Have a great weekend!
I was also heavier for a long time, and it’s hard not to associate yourself as that “bigger” person. I forget that I’m smaller now and that’s what people see. People don’t notice a few pounds extra on you when the scale says you’ve gained a few. And Gina is right. You would NEVER let yourself gain all the weight back! You work hard and love being healthy. Keep that chin up and keep helping those who come to you for help, you are a great woman and are doing so many wonderful things! thanks so much for the honest post. It helped me out so much this week!
Great, honest post! I found the only thing that helped me when I was having trouble with the scale was getting rid of it.
Great to see how the wonderful support and different perspectives. My weight happens to coincide pretty well with my eating habits. If I’m eating well, my weight is lower, and vice versa. So for me, it does work as a good measuring stick…to a point. When I’m down below 110, I have to inject realism and know I’m not eating enough. That rarely happens though..ha!
You’ve got some smart readers
Listen to them! I think it’s hard to help others when you struggle with helping yourself. Use your patients as your rock and move forward. You are too SMART to be tricked by a number, that’s the bottom line.
I totally agree about not wanting to cut out anything! That’s why I haven’t really lost anything since gaining those few extra pounds. I just have no interest in depriving myself or spending all my free time at the gym doing workouts I hate. My bloodwork is fantastic, and I really shouldn’t sweat it!
I also can empathize with being afraid of gaining weight back. I was always a bit chubby growing up, so it’s hard to identify myself as being slim at 145-150 lbs, or even underweight at 140! Skewed perceptions, indeed!
I agree with Kim above. If you’re eating right and giving your body what it needs then those extra 5 pounds must be there for a reason! And anyways, you look great! That’s what counts in the end. How you feel and look. Not a number!
Have you ever read Intuitive Eating? If not, I think it would really help you in thinking about these 5 lbs. If you are eating healthier and feeling better, maybe these 5 lbs are helping you reach your body’s actual ideal weight (not necessarily found on your BMI calculator.) I really recommend this book!
http://www.amazon.com/Intuitive-Eating-Revolutionary-Program-Works/dp/0312321236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1305901084&sr=8-1