Share YOUR Scale Relationship (Series)

Morning friends! I know this series is supposed to be continued on Fridays but today is technically my Friday since I’m not working tomorrow! So here’s another installment in my scale relationship series from my friend Michelle!

Letting Go and Living Life

Hello everyone! My name is Michelle and I blog at Turning Over a New Leaf!

When Erin said she was looking for people to contribute to her scale relationship series, I was excited to volunteer! I’ve enjoyed reading about her journey in breaking up with the scale, and it has definitely helped me assess my own on-and-off-again relationship with the scale!

My story is similar to that of many others. I wasn’t “fat” growing up. Just a little soft and on the upper end of average weight. Then I went to college and gained 40 lbs in 2.5 years. Less than a year after graduation, though, I joined Weight Watchers and started watching my portions, my calorie (points) intake, and establishing a more active lifestyle.

I never really owned a scale of my own before this time. I occasionally borrowed a friend’s scale or used the one at the gym, but most the time I simply avoided it. I don’t even remember what I weighed throughout high school because I lied about my actual weight so much that I managed to suppress the truth out of my memory. But a few months after starting Weight Watchers, I invested in a home bathroom scale of my own, and before long I was weighing myself every day.

At first this was perfectly fine. I enjoyed being able to see the number incrementally drop little by little every day. I liked the constant reinforcement. The analytical part in me loved having that extra bit of data. I learned what tends to make me retain water, and it helped me not get worked up if I happened to see a “gain” on weigh-in day, when really I just had Asian food the night before.

This worked fine for the first 20 lbs, but then my weight loss slowed suddenly and drastically. Instead of my normal 2lbs/wk loss, I was suddenly only losing fractions of a pound at best. This was frustrating at the time. I felt like I wasn’t making sufficient progress, and I started counting calories instead of Weight Watchers Points. I started getting frustrated with how low my calorie allowance was getting in order to sustain my weight loss. I refused to believe it at the time, but I realize now that my body was finally settling into a very healthy weight for me.

When I started losing weight, I had this romantic notion of losing all the weight I gained in college. However, those last few pounds were much harder to lose than I anticipated. I found myself practically starving on my 1400 calories a day diet. I hated the feeling that came with weighing my fruit and having to cut my portions of perfectly healthy food to practically nothing just to make my meal fit in my calorie allowance. I hated eating low-calorie bread and fat-free cheese. I hated spending most my evenings on the Wii Fit or at the gym, when I would have rather been spending time with my husband or with friends. And to make it all worse, I still wasn’t really losing any weight.

My body was crying out to me. Something wasn’t right. Something had to give. I decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. Three pounds wasn’t worth the constant irritation, the obsessive attitudes toward food, the fear of the scale. It wasn’t worth wearing clothes that were too big, out of refusal to buy clothes until I reached “goal.” I decided I needed to step away from the scale and just eat intuitively. I knew what to eat. I knew proper portions sizes. I just needed to finally listen to my body. In August of 2010, I stopped weighing myself and counting calories. My workouts became less intense, and my diet increased in “real food.” I recall tweeting after a a meal that I loved finally feeling “nourished.”

About this same time, my husband and I moved into a house and we started hosting a Saturday night supper club for some acquaintances, who were quickly turning into very good friends. Many of my evenings were being spent tailgating under the stars in the country with ice cream in hand, or visiting late at night at IHOP. After about two months of this, I took a peek at the scale. I’d gained about two pounds, but that didn’t bother me. I continued doing what I did, living as I wished, eating as well as I could, but enjoying the moment, especially when the moment included brownies. Then a few months after THAT I was realizing that my pants were snug. I checked the scale again. I’d gained another 5 lbs or so. I kind of freaked. In my mind, five pounds was okay, but any more than that was unacceptable. I returned to Weight Watchers for a short time before the holidays, but my heart really wasn’t in it anymore. Most the time I was originally following Weight Watchers, I was eating fake, diet food. I wasn’t eating that junk anymore. I was eating homemade bread and full-fat cheese with no shame and refused to be convinced otherwise.

Over the next four months I engaged in many flings with the scale and calorie-counting. My pants were still snug and I was absolutely convinced that my weight gain was due to unhealthy habits and therefore I was justified in my attempts to lose the weight. My tummy was also softer, and I was really missing the (relatively) firm definition I had at 140 lbs.

But none of these attempts really accomplished anything. I still ate what I wanted to eat in amounts that I wanted. In my mind I already had the tools for living a healthy lifestyle and was living them out. I ate mostly fruits and vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats. And most of all, I was eating REAL FOOD. I was living by the 80/20 rule (good, healthy choices 80% of the time, and enjoying food of lesser nutritional value the other 20% of the time), and refused to make myself miss out in life. I was still active in activities I enjoyed, but at that point I just refused to be told what to do! (I’m sure we can all relate!)

But the interesting part in all of this is that ever since my first discovery that I’d gained about 5-10 lbs, my weight has stayed stable within the same 5 lbs range, with and without counting calories.

That was the first major clue that my body was exactly where it was meant to be.

I was happy. I was healthy. I was active. My social life was flourishing (Saturday night supper club is still going strong!). And I didn’t feel like I was deprived of anything!

I can’t say that my mind is totally set free from the stigma of the scale. It’s still sometimes hard to see 150 lbs on the scale at the doctor’s office, or realize that the clothes I bought at my lowest adult weight cause me some epic muffin-tops. It’s hard to tell people sometimes that I did lose 40 lbs, but gained 10 of it back. But the fact is, everyone’s body is different, and my body is underweight at 140 lbs. And even if I could reasonably lose a few pounds, I have to ask myself if I really want to. What sacrifices would I have to make? My social life? The nutritional quality of my food? My happiness? I now try to look at these extra pounds as “happy pounds.” They are a reflection of a life well-lived. I traded tight abs for quality of life when I started looking beyond myself and investing in others. And when put in that perspective, it’s totally worth it.

 

I suppose one day when Edgar and I move far away from here, when I no longer have a desk job, we don’t know anybody, and are living in a town where Taco Bell isn’t one of the healthiest fast food options available, I may naturally lose a few pounds. That’s life. I’m learning not to think of “healthy weight” or “healthy size” or even “happy weight” as a static entity. For me, my body, where I am right now, geographically and in my life, the role I play, and the lifestyle I live, where my weight is is where I need to be.

And as for the tight pants excuse?

I took cue from Julia.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZY86k2NjTY

I bought bigger pants.

TIPS I LEARNED IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE SCALE

• Don’t compare yourself to your high school weight, or even your college weight. People tend to forget they are still naturally growing into their adult bodies in their 20s. 140 may have been appropriate for me at 17, but it’s sure not at 22! I later found out that half the weight I gained in college was in lean body mass!
• BMI is lame. If you absolutely want to research some point of reference for a healthy weight, consider your body frame. At my lowest, my BMI was 23. Certainly not skeletal, but when my large body frame was taken into consideration, 140 was actually in the “underweight” range for me. And better yet—check your body fat percentage. It’s makes all the difference!
• There is absolutely no shame in being “apple-shaped!” Don’t let yourself think that!
• Being optimally healthy doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll look like a fitness model!
• Dress for your body. If something doesn’t fit or doesn’t look good, the problem isn’t your body. It’s the clothing. Find and wear clothes that make you feel incredible!
• A weight may be attainable, but not maintainable. If you feel like you’re starving or overexercising in order to maintain a certain weight, it may be that this weight is too low for you.
• Make behavior-based goals, not results-based goals. Aim to work out three times a week instead of aiming to lose 20 pounds. Allow making healthy lifestyle choices reveal the healthy body that’s right for YOU.
• Life by the 80/20 rule. You’ll drive yourself mad if you try to eat 100% clean, 100% of the time. It’s not worth it. Totally. Not. Worth it.
• ENJOY REAL FOOD! Don’t live off processed and diet foods. It doesn’t do your body any good, and in reality, most the time it doesn’t even taste good!
• Spend time pursing other hobbies. We can be so easily consumed by the scale and forget to live! A big part of being healthy is enjoying life. Spend time with loved ones. Skip a workout to snuggle on the couch with your spouse or pet. Go on vacations. Lick the brownie batter. Give yourself a break. There is more to life that living by the number on the scale or the one in your jeans.
• Live outside yourself. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions,” they say. We can have the best of intentions in trying to do our body good and live well, but end up ignoring others’ needs in our selfishness. There’s a much bigger world out there. It’s such a glorious moment when you realize you feel small and love every moment of it!

Thanks Michelle! Great words!

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